Moderate, Backhanded Compliment?

While scrolling through Facebook, I saw a post with a half and half picture. The top was a picture of the Ku Klux Klan all decked out in their white sheets, with the statement, “No one thinks these people are representative of Christians.” On the bottom was a picture of ISIS all decked out in their black ninja-looking out-fits, with the statement, “So why do so many think that these people are representative of Muslims?”

I had seen the post before. I casually scrolled down, planning to move on to the next post, when I happened to notice the comments.

Commenter 1:  MEDIA MEDIA MEDIA

Commenter 2:  too many people behave like lemmings.

Commenter 2:  they don’t think for themselves

Commenter 3: It boils down to racism. Plain and simple.

Commenter 4: Maybe because “regular/non-violent/moderate muslims” don’t speak out or condemn them. Or maybe the afore mentioned muslims seem to turn violent so easily or often.

Commenter 5:  Many “moderate” Muslims speak out. They are just not given much coverage in the media.

Several things crossed my mind.

How Do I Tell My Mom I Changed My Religion?

I became Muslim in the fall of 1998. Though I had been interested in Islam for many years, it was not until I moved to Arizona, from Arkansas, that I converted.

But I had not told my mom.

I was very blessed to have mentors who truly understood the essence of Islam in addition to the teachings. I was never told I had to wear the scarf.  I was taught to study Islam first - to understand the teachings and essence of Islam – the reasons for everything, including the scarf.

This fit into my personality perfectly. I asked a lot of questions. I always ask a lot of questions. I need to understand things, the reason behind things. Even my mother will tell you I loved the question "why" and always had a problem with “because I said so.”

In December 1998, I decided to go back to Arkansas to visit her for Christmas. I was worried about how she would react. What would I say to my mom when I got off the plane and she saw me in the scarf?

Are We Doing the Mechanics and Missing the Message?

A lady I know called me to ask for advice (as a person not an attorney).  We will call her "Ann." Ann’s family is very religious. They pray regularly and often refer to God in their daily lives, decisions, and conversations.

Ann gave her adult son, we will call him "Joe," a car registered and financed in her name. She is making the payments and told him the only thing he had to do was pay for the insurance.

Surprise, surprise, he failed to keep insurance . . . and rear-ended another lady.  His car was a little banged up and, according to him, “she just had a couple of scratches on her bumper.”

Joe talked the lady into not making a police report, getting an estimate, and letting him pay directly for the repairs.

A week or so later the lady came back with an estimate for $1,200. Joe told her he did not have the money and wanted to make payments. The lady responded that she wanted the whole amount.

At that point Joe decided to tell Ann.

Do You Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right?

I saw a post on Facebook about the right way to put on a bra.  I did not click on the story but happened to read a comment as I was passing by.  The comment said, “People put their bra on backwards and then twist it around?!”  I stopped.  “Ummm, there is another way to put on a bra?” I thought. I cannot even remember how or when I learned how to put on a bra. Nor has it ever entered my mind that there were other ways to do it. [Surely it is not a shocker that, as a woman, bras are part of my life . . . ?]

Funny how we take things we “know” for granted. Another example is when I first moved to Arizona and ordered a soft drink at a restaurant. I asked the waiter for a coke. She said, “regular or diet.” I said Dr. Pepper. She said, “You want a Coke or Dr. Pepper?” I answered, “Dr. Pepper” . . .  and then sat in slight bewilderment.  I had never thought about it.

In Arkansas when someone takes a drink order, it is normal to answer “a coke.” The server then asks, ”What kind?” To which I would reply, “Dr. Pepper.” I never thought of it any other way. I did see in movies people calling soft-drinks by other names: soda pop, soda, pop, soft-drink, etc, but it never really registered.

After I got married, I explained it to my husband.  He thought it was one of the craziest things he had ever heard. “Why would you order a Coke if you want a Dr. Pepper?”  Yes, I do now realize the irony but to us coke was what we called all soft-drinks. It just was.

This is a recurring theme in my life. As a speaker and attorney, I interact with a very large and diverse group of people so I encounter different perspectives, and different ways of doing, or thinking about, things - a lot. It keeps me on my toes.  But it also reminds me that humans are a very diverse creation and cultures are the result of more than just ethnicity or religion.

That understanding is why so many questions I answer are multi-faceted and multi-leveled.  It almost always “depends.” (Yes I am a lawyer but I spoke in “ it depends” long before I went to law school).  It depends on culture, background, beliefs, situation, justifications, personal preference, and even personal decisions, among many other factors. 

You Can Call It "Apples," But It's Still Hate

There is a social event I attend somewhat regularly. A Muslim man also attends and always searches me out for conversations. I have a hard time shaking him off – though I desperately try. He has only two topics of interest: Shia and Islamophobia.

Of the two, Shia is his favorite topic. He wants to tell me how bad the Shia are. I do not happen to be Shia.  He will tell me stories and constantly pull up ‘YouTube’ videos on his phone to show me how bad they are.  Usually, I try to change the subject.

Recently, I guess I was just tired, I decided to ask him some questions.

I asked, Why do you hate Shia so much?”

He replied, “I do not hate anyone. Islam teaches us not to hate. I just really don’t like Shia a lot.”

I replied, “Your obsession demonstrates otherwise.”

He replied, “I am not obsessed.”

I asked, “How many times a day do you look at, or search for, videos about Shia? You understand those videos are not posted by Shia but by people who want to show Shia are bad? If you just didn’t like them, you would ignore them – not look for more and more reasons to justify why you should dislike them. And you would not want to always talk to everyone about how bad they are. This is the very definition of hate.”