Beauty As An Asset

In most western cultures, and some eastern cultures too, I see women striving for the ultimate beauty and youthfulness. I hear women lamenting their own lack of beauty, practically worshipping famous people they believe are successful because of their beauty, and always looking for the new beauty "trick" - whether diet, exercise, anti-aging cream, or fashion.

There is absolutely no problem with women wanting to be "beautiful" - however they define it - or always working to improve their image. I do, however, prefer when women are working to improve their "image" for themselves rather than others.

I knew a woman married for over thirty years. She was always on a diet. She always dressed in the top fashions, with clothes that complemented her body. She always wore make-up to enhance her looks. She owned just about every anti-aging cream on the luxury market and used them religiously. She went to the salon regularly, sometimes daily, to have her hair done in the most fashionable styles. She exercised and even had liposuction to have the "perfect" body. She made herself beautiful before her husband came home from work every day.

And her husband cheated on her almost their entire marriage.  

More interestingly, some of the women were older than him, very few were younger than her, and most were both less attractive than her and tried way less to be attractive.

I could give you hundreds of stories like this.

The only thing that can keep a man from cheating is a man choosing not to cheat. There are ways to keep a man's attention, but just youth and "beauty" are not it.

Have you ever looked at a couple where one partner is very attractive and the other is extremely "plain" and wondered how that happened? People often think to themselves, "He [or she] could do so much better considering their looks."

The bottom line is that "beauty" is both subjective and a depreciating asset. 

First, outward beauty is defined by individuals. Even with all the media pushing a certain type of beauty (and even the "type" changes every few years), each person still defines what he or she thinks is beautiful.

Second, outward beauty can increase or decrease once we get to "know" another person. Character, manners, confidence, competence, courtesy, empathy, intelligence, jealously, neediness, and selfishness (among many other personal characteristics) can cause a person to become more or less attractive to another person.

Third, beauty fades - or at least changes over time.  While aging men can often continue to be attractive, or even become more attractive (salt & pepper hair, graying side-burns, etc.), society's idea of outward beauty in women is often less courteous.

There is no way around it. Unlike money or property, beauty as defined by society most often deminishes for a person over time, becoming a depreciating asset. Personal characteristics and interests can increase, however, so they have huge potential to become appreciating assets for a person or a relationship - romantic or business. The smart person always invests in the assets likely to increase in "value." 

Men may be initially attracted to the "shiny object" of a beautiful woman, but unless he is simply looking for a "trophy wife," he is looking for something more in order to invest in marriage. Unlike dating, marriage involves spending a lot of time together. People kind of like to "like" people with which they spend a lot of time. Liking and enjoying people you spend a lot of time with is very "valuable."

That is not to say men do not like attractive women, it just means "beauty" and "attractive" is clearly not as simple as what women see in the beauty magazines.

Therefore, a woman putting all her energy into being "beautiful" for others is a really bad investment on her part - though being attractive for yourself is always a good investment. Hanging your hat on other's seeing you a beautiful will very often result in disappointment and dissatisfaction.

In addition to working on their self-confidence, even if it includes personal beauty functions, women should work on all forms of self-discovery and self-improvement because it makes life more better for themselves and more interesting for those around them - including potential or current mates.


* Deedra is originally from Arkansas; an attorney in Scottsdale, Arizona; a diversity expert and motivational speaker with The Ambassador Project; and has a blog at askdeedra.com where she shares her perspectives based on questions and experiences. Follow Deedra on Twitter @askdeedra